Thursday, May 15, 2008 Y

i know i dont have time to be negative for even a second. but. haha. i am still a human after all.

i cried twice today. like HAHAHA??!! ya. but i did.

first time was during IRP lesson. out of no reason, i just felt so stressed. and brokedown. at that instance, i felt really helpless. i felt as if piles of things and going to bury me. and i have no one to turn to. mental breakdown? lmao.

second time was when eating at wm kfc with piggy. i just suddenly felt like crying. same thing. i think i cant hang till 3yrs. yet, with so many there for me, i dont want to let any of them down. esp when piggy will pull me through 'A'. i dont want to disappoint him. esp him. when you see how much effort he put in to get me to study, i really felt that i should not let him down.

***

maths test was fine. i wonder if it was cause the test's easy, or cause piggy is a gooood tutor, i can actually complete my paper without really any difficulties. but of course, need improvement. *i see pig flying =p*

but still, thanks pig for coaching me! (till you almost vomit blood >.<)

***

for some reasons, piggy lost his temper today. it was really scary as this is the very very first time to see him like this. and you will drop your glasses. but hey. he is also human can~ what's wrong with it then? NOTHING!

after the , was being called by miss J for a 'lecture'. details i dont wish to state. but, it led to the second breakdown though.

but thanks pig for been there. (: at least, i've got you to ease me when i really dont know what to do anymore.

***

i came to realise that, i really have no time to be negative. recently he had been down. i almost cant see him smiling anymore. or, i will only see him faking the smile. i dont like it. seriously not. the smile he used to have. where had it been to? i want to find it back for him. yet there's nothing i can do to accomplish the task. all i can, is just sit down there listen to him ranting and stare at him with a face full of question marks - wondering how am i able to help him lessen the load.

all i can do is to make myself stay as happy as possible. so that he doesnt have to worry about me. and. i must be positive too! no matter how down i am. if when he is down, and i am too, it will turn out to be an undesirable outcome. after all, ions with same charge will repel each other yar? i dont want him to go away from me!

so, i must be positive especially when he is not, and then attract all his electrons over, and do earthing to free myself to be negatively charged. for those which cant be earthed, i will just lock them down into my heart, and see what i can do with them. perhaps i will rant out somewhere and so on. hahaha. i am still a human afterall. not superwoman ar!

but dearest, always remember in life, there might be things to pull you down, obstructing your road to success, but i will always be here for you, trying as hard as possible to prevent you from falling, and rise you when you fall. when you felt that you have no one to turn to, think again! remember that i will always be there for you! (as far as possible) SO, you arent going to say you have no one to turn to hor! *or i will arhbish you fly to america! =p*

'i want nothing more than seeing you happy.'

no doubt, ilu(: