Wednesday, September 17, 2008 Y

supposed to be sleeping now, but im awake somehow. (duh -.-)

went bloghop just now since i cant sleep, came across some familiar blogs and realised that some of these people are still with their pervious bf/gf. (which some i dont think they would have lasted - yah, im evil -.-) and so, somethings crossed my mind while im reading.

at our kinda age, it's rather normal that those people around you who are attached would be probably since secondary school days, while those who are single are single (-.-)

since secondary school days. take for example a couple got together at the last day of the year last year, and today is already september 16. which means, they would have been together for 9 and half months!

although i had been in rather long relationship before, but sometimes i just wonder how couples maganaged to survive through all those arguments, ups and downs, setbacks, tears, smiles and etcetc. recalling, i think mine is rather a miracle one somehow.

like any other couples, me and dear experienced setbacks, arguments etc too. sometimes, it's due to minor things, sometimes, it will be things which i think are major but not to him and vice versa.

dear is a good bf, no doubt. at least, he isnt the type who will pick fight with you for nothing. for as far as possible, he always gave in to me. yet, i doesnt seem to appreciate his 'kindness' and always tend to try pushing my luck. i want him to care the way i wanted him to, but sometimes he doesnt know what do i want, and i dont want to tell him straight. hence, this is where conflicts started.

i always tend to say that he doesnt care enough, not sensitive enough and bla, but i didnt see the effort that he is trying to. i once told him, "when you're down, sometimes i gave up cheering you is because i dont know what is wrong, and always failed to tackle the problem straight." YET, now thinking back, he didnt know what's wrong with me either, but he still kept cheering me up, making me smile.

what i thought is that, if my bf can do what i want without me telling him to, he understands me. perhaps i watched too much dramas that i thought relationship should happen like how it does in the show, all those romantic stuffs and bla. BUT hello, this is reality, and it tends to differ from ideality. i just dont get my thinking right.

reflecting, i always did alot of things to upset dear. kicking fuss over NOTHING or minor things, want him to understand me but i always never try to understand him (and i THOUGHT I UNDERSTAND HIM ALOT), doing and saying all sorts of hurtful nonsense to him (I DO KNOW THAT IT WILL HURT) etc etc.

nahnah once asked me, "you are not the only child in the family, neither are you from a wealthy family, how come you will get such a "princess' temper" ar?"

well, i think, it all happnened cause people always tend to give in to me. and i will yell, scream, shout to get everything my way. things are especially worst when im in a relationship (although somehow people say that people tend to mature when being in a relaionship - this doesnt work for me).

at least 8 or 9/10 times, bf will give in and get everything the way i want. being pampered till this way, how possible is it to not have the "princess' temper"?

this is what i thought. there might be other reasons too.

but whatever it is, being in a long relationship is not easy. people may envy others that their relationhips last so long so long, but they dont see the hardship and bla behind.

long lasting relationships (not only bgr) reqire alot of endurance, perseverance, patience to pull through. it also requires love, trust, faith, fate and to compromise with each other.

(the above are just part of my thoughts, any resemblance is purely coincidence.)

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dear, thanks for being understanding and patient towards my nonsense. i will try to minimise kicking fuss over minor things. i will learn to be more understanding too! sometimes, somehow, i just got too carried away doing things that i didnt care about your feelings when i always wanted you to care about mine. i am sorry to be selfish.

promos is here, and you seem to be stressed over it. sometimes you although you are just beside me, but i somehow find that i wasnt given the attention. i think im too possessive and too much of an attention whore. think i should work on it. i should be more considerate and... disturb you after promos. gee. BE PREPARED!!!

i believe we can overcome things together. i trust you. and im ready and prepared to walk the road with you. though there're things which will hinder our progress, but surely we will be able to find solutions together. there may be more setbacks, ups and downs coming along, but that's how we grow yea? (:

no matter what, doubtlessly, i love you, many.

- day 108.

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my happy pill, always (: